A break from all that poetry

[jimcee]

Although these are not my own efforts, I think they deserve a wider audience, and they may raise a smile or two.

CREATIVE PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his Grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects

[Peter Connelly]

After the floods had receded somewhat, Noah looked out of one of the Ark’s portholes and exclaimed, ‘Look! Ararat!’
Ham looked down, shook his head, and said ‘Naw. It’s an armadillo’.

I'll get my coat...

[jimcee]

Japhet, being a doubter by nature, replied "Arusure"

[khartoumteddy]

Police in Israel have issued a BOLO (be on the lookout) for a man named Joseph, wanted for looting jewelry stores in the city of Haifa. Joseph was born in Barcelona, Spain where his German father taught him to play the flute, and his mother, a former Nun, died when he was young. He often takes work as a farm laborer. Police say he is a....
"Haifa lootin' flutin' Teuton, son-of-a-Nun from Barcelona, part-time ploughboy Joe.

poetry with a pencil that does not have a point is pointless.

A woman walks into a bar and says to the barman: "I would like a Double Entendre, please."
The barman replies with: "Would you like a stiff one?"

A Sunday School teacher read a passage from the Old Testament book of Jonah to her class:
"And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah;
and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and
three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from
the belly of the fish, saying 'I called to the Lord our
of my distress and He answered me." and the Lord spoke
to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land."
(Jonah 1:17)
When she had finished reading, the teacher said, "Now, children, you have heard the Bible story of Jonah and the whale. What does this story teach us?"
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "You can't keep a good man down!"
?Are we having pun yet

[khartoumteddy]

Simultaneous management of elephants and walruses requires the ability to multitusk

To the bull in the pasture, may he live for heifer and heifer

There was a shootout in St.Andrews. There were many casual-tees.

My blind friends pet is very agreeable. He's a seeing-eye-to-eye dog.

My fiend is a fairy----fair enough