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 Post subject: The Joy of Sheep
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 1:01 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2010 4:10 pm
Posts: 14
Silly poem about the joys of keeping a small sheep flock.

The Joy of Sheep

You free your tup among the ewes.
Just thirty damsels, young and sweet.
He hopes there’s always one on heat,
so he knows always whom to choose.

But life is always hit and miss.
Each parasite, with dreadful art,
will colonise some vital part,
And end this scene of rural bliss.

Beware the knacker man that chucks
your faithful beast upon the heap
of rotting cow and horse and sheep,
and on his pencil taps and sucks.

The ewes are stoic in their shed.
A ticking clock their bodies drive
to partuate, day one-four-five.
You help - and stumble back to bed.

We’ve made it to another spring.
The sun returns with longed-for heat.
The grass will green, the mud retreat.
The cries of ewe and lamb will ring.

The flies do always what they like,
and lay their eggs on your sheep’s back.
The wool is better in the sack -
there’s no such thing as lucky strike.

But I will strive, yet while I’m able
To make it always a sad lie
that sheep know only how to die.
I’ll put some lamb upon your table.

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 Post subject: Re: The Joy of Sheep
PostPosted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 2:54 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2003 10:18 pm
Posts: 2545
Location: Cloud Cuckoo Land (or so I'm told by some)
I loved this though I see no-one else has commented. Here's a poem about sheep by Ellis Parker Butler:

The Sheep adorns the landscape rural
And is both singular and plural—
It gives grammarians the creeps
To hear one say, “A flock of sheeps.”

The Sheep is gentle, meek and mild,
And led in herds by man or child—
Being less savage than the rabbit,
Sheep are gregarious by habit.

The Sheep grows wool and thus promotes
The making of vests, pants and coats—
Vests, pants and coats and woolen cloths
Provide good food for hungry moths.

With vegetables added to
The Sheep, we get our mutton stew—
Experiments long since revealed
The Sheep should first be killed and peeled.

Thus, with our debt to them so deep,
All men should cry “Praise be for Sheep!”—
And, if we happen to be shepherds,
“Praise be they’re not as fierce as leopards!”

................................... Ellis Parker Butler


(site admin)

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 Post subject: Re: The Joy of Sheep
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:14 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:04 pm
Posts: 393
Location: exile
:realslow sheepishly waiting for inpiration to strike
great poem though

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 1:03 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:04 pm
Posts: 393
Location: exile
A man in New Zealand bought several sheep,
hoping to breed them for wool or for meat.

After several weeks, and quite indignant
he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant,
He phones a vet for help with this situation.
The vet tells him to try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means
but, not wanting to display his ignorance so green
, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant.and so:

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around
and instead will lie down and wallow in grass they have found
when they are pregnant he'll easily tell
for nature should take a hand as well

The man hangs up and gives it some thought.
although his deliberations mean naught
artificial insemination he comes to conclude
means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.(how rude)

So, he loads the sheep with the help of his dog Rover
into his vehicle an old Land Rover,
drives them out into the woods, has s€x with them all,
so far so good brings them back, and goes to bed.
with thoughts of a good job done in his head.

Next morning, he wakes fresh from his sleep
and looks out of his window at the sheep.
Seeing that they are all still standing around,
not one lying on the ground
he deduces that the first try didn't take,
loads them in the Land Rover again no mistake

He drives them out to the woods,
bangs each sheep twice for its own good
brings them back,in the land rover transported
and goes to bed exhausted.. job sorted;

He wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
Try again, he tells himself, (though this isn't good)
proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods.
He spends all day shagging the sheep
upon returning home, falls into a deep sleep

He cannot even raise himself from the bed
to look out of the window the next morn
He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep
are lying in the grass and fast sleep

No, she says, they're all in the Land Rover,
one of them is beeping the horn
with the engine turning over .

:smashPC Teddy

everybody is ignorant--only the subjects vary---(Will Rogers)

Sodding slippery fish this Salmond (Teddy)

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